The Hudson River Fish Fry has been canceled because who would want to eat fish that swam in the Hudson River?
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 30, 2018
Attn: Tour Guides- please do not take prospective students through fraternity row, into the Rose Garden, past Tripley Hall or- on second thought, it is probably best to keep them in the welcome center.
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 30, 2018
We’re reasonably certain that Jimmy Hoffa was not buried in the foundation of Branch Hall. He might have been buried in Tripley Hall’s foundation, but definitely not Branch Hall. Probably. #HudsonUMythBusting
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 30, 2018
#DidYouKnow that students who get injured on campus as a result of crime (even their own) get discounts on health care at the Hudson Medical Center? This is a popular and well used perk! #HudsonUCares
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 30, 2018
Are you looking for a fun place to serve your community service sentence? Fun places are probably full, so why not volunteer for something at Hudson? We’ll even let you work in the child care center. Those juvenile delinquents could use an example of their futures!
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 30, 2018
We survived the first Saturday night on campus! Did you? (Seriously, did you?)
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 30, 2018
Does anyone know anybody who works at ABC? We’ve got a spec script for a comedy pilot set at a crime-ridden college where the PR team has to work overtime because of all the crimes that take place there. Totally fictional premise.
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 29, 2018
Study Abroad! It’s a good way to avoid summonses and subpoenas! Visit the Study Abroad office located in Schiff Hall.
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 29, 2018
Please Note: The gentleman claiming to be the Dean of Admissions is just NYPD Detective Robert Goren, up to his old tricks again!
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 29, 2018
Did you use your credit card in one of the On-campus vending machines this week? Better doublecheck your statements! #HudsonUCares
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 29, 2018
Have you seen those creepy mimes wandering around campus? If so, could you ask them what it is that they want?
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 29, 2018
Are you good at covering things up? Maybe a job at the Hudson University newspaper would be a perfect fit for you!
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 29, 2018
Okay, kids- behave out there tonight! Don’t do anything that could get you featured on Dateline NBC, 48 Hours, 20/20 or Investigation Discovery. #BeCareful pic.twitter.com/CDOjHCf3l9
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 29, 2018
It is not true that Hudson “does not value its staff” as alleged in today’s New York Ledger. Hudson places a value on all staff and faculty; it just places a higher value on some people more than others. #HudsonUCares
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 28, 2018
Did you buy dorm insurance from Mutual of Hudson Insurance? Please remember that it doesn’t cover theft committed during a riot. This bit of information might come in handy this weekend. #JustSaying
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 28, 2018
Hey, Hudson Parents! We appreciate all of you, especially those hefty tuition checks you send us monthly! On your way out of town, why not pick up a book from Hudson Press About dangerous new fads that the young people are doing these days? pic.twitter.com/dayET0Mzg8
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 28, 2018
It is not true that you get an automatic A if your professor gets arrested in front of the class while shouting “I’ll Have Your Badge For This!” The automatic A is only granted if the arrest happens after the first midterm occurs. #HudsonMythBusting
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 28, 2018
The bookstore has a new shipment of NYPD Detective Robert Goren’s book in stock! You probably don’t want to ask him to sign it for you if you see him. He’s kind of a nut job. #BuyTheBookThough pic.twitter.com/ioTnR27zzN
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 28, 2018
Looking for something to do tonight? We’re showing “Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny” in Tripley Hall. It’s the only film we could afford!
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 28, 2018
It’s Friday and the first weekend many of our new students will be away from their parents, so don’t do anything we wouldn’t do! And we would do most anything, so go Wild. But don’t go too wild, like future “Dateline NBC” profile wild! #FreakyFriday
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 28, 2018
The shouting you may have heard coming from the Enron Rose Garden at Hudson Quad was the first student freakout of the new year and not an altercation. For once. Congratulations to Don O’Rourke for being the first student to freakout. He also won us $750 in the office pool!
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 27, 2018
Yes guys, we’ll truly rename anything on campus after anyone or anything if the price is right. #Donate2Hudson
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 27, 2018
A wealthy donor who thought he could troll us offered us a $5,000,000 donation if we renamed the Rose Garden the Enron Rose Garden at Hudson Quad. #ChallengeAccepted pic.twitter.com/KkApvHhMGE
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 27, 2018
Hey, crime shows- need B-Roll of Hudson filled with students that you can use during your reports on Hudson Murders? Campus is as full as it will ever get this week! #HudsonBroll
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 27, 2018
People are referring to freshmen year as being like some sort of cut throat “Survivor” style situation. In actuality, our departing students typically freak out and leave of their own accord. pic.twitter.com/JDihkYpCw6
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 27, 2018
This year only 35% of Hudson faculty have been indicted, down from 46% last year! #HudsonUPride
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 27, 2018
#DidYouKnow that half of all bicycle riding Hudson freshmen will give up and abandon their bikes after the first month of classes? Why does this happen? You’ll find out soon enough. #HudsonSecrets
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 27, 2018
The Hudson Twitter Account Manager is also not Elizabeth Hitchens, a radioactive monkey from the Tripley Lab, a producer for a true crime show, a writer on the staff of “Crime & Punishment,” George Glass, or Nicole Wallace. #HudsonMythBusting
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 27, 2018
There has been much speculation about the identity of our Hudson Twitter Account Manager. He or she is not a mental patient in Hudson Med’s mental ward, a writer for “Saturday Night Live” or one of NYPD Detective Robert Goren’s alternate personalities. #HudsonMythBusting
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 27, 2018
Happy Thursday! Things are already settling down on campus and we’ve almost eliminated the rat infestation in the residence hall! #WelcomeToHudson
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 27, 2018
Another Hudson day for the record books- petty crime is up 65% so far- a campus record! Plus, we found two bodies on campus today compared to none last year. #HudsonUPride BTW, neither body was a Hudson student, so no 4.0s- yet!
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 26, 2018
#DidYouKnow that Hudson grads inspire more Lifetime Original Movies, Investigation Discovery episodes and Dateline NBC segments than any other university? #HudsonUPride
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 26, 2018
Univision is running two Hudson specials this evening: “Universidad de Hudson: Colegio de Asesinos” and “Hudson- Donde los chicos malos van a la escuela” we don’t know Spanish, but those sound like amazing specials! #HudsonUPride
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 26, 2018
Contrary to the rumors, we are not serving dog food grade meat in the dining commons. The meat we serve is typically graded as not being suitable for dogs. #HudsonMythBusting
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 26, 2018
We are not currently hosting a “First Day of Classes” bonfire in the quad. In unrelated news, please avoid the quad for the next two hours. #HudsonUCares
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 26, 2018
ALERT: We are not handing out envelopes with cash in them on the quad. Those are subpoenas being handed out. #AvoidTheQuad
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 26, 2018
It’s official- the Fall Quarter has begun and our policy of giving a 4.0 to students whose roommate dies is now active! Be careful out there! #Hudson2018
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 26, 2018
Good morning, kids! It’s the first day of classes- and one hour until a roommate death earns you a 4.0! PLEASE NOTE: We are not suggesting that anyone do anything with this information- we’re just pointing out campus policy. #HudsonUCares
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 26, 2018
We must debunk the rumor that the dining commons is serving radioactive rats in the ratatouille. Any rat content found in our ratatouille is coincidental. Oh wait. There is no rat content in our ratatouille.
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 25, 2018
Have you seen any radioactive rats on campus? They totally didn’t escape from our secret Tripley Lab during Saturday’s parent riot, but if you find one, please call the Tripley Rat Lab immediately!
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 25, 2018
As we welcome you all to an amazing new school year, we’d like to stress our commitment to inclusion. Whether you’re one of those geeks who dress up like Captain Picard or a shut in who collects useless trash, at Hudson, you’re tolerated! #HudsonUCares
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 25, 2018
Hudson University has found a place on the list of the most trusted organizations! We’re 9,998- zooming past Enron and Bill Cosby Productions! #HudsonUPride
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 25, 2018
Using a dating app on campus? Swipe left- always swipe left! #HudsonUCares
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 25, 2018
Again, we must remind you that you only get a 4.0 if your roommate dies after 8AM tomorrow when classes begin. Before then? You’ll get a sympathy basket from Edible Arrangements and a visit from the always suspicious NYPD Detective Robert Goren. #HudsonUCares
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 25, 2018
Happy Tuesday! Come on down to the quad beginning at 11AM for Hudson-palooza, where we welcome our new students to campus! Who’ll still be around next year at this time? Place your bets today! #HudsonUCares
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 25, 2018
A Fraud Warning: That guy claiming to be a professor who is trying to sell “Six Flags Manhattan” tickets is committing fraud. He is indeed a professor, but there is no such thing as “Six Flags Manhattan”.
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 24, 2018
Hey freshmen- are you planning on going on tomorrow’s Times Square excursion as part of Welcome Week? Remember that Hudson is not responsible for lost or stolen articles, unexplained death or attacks from drunken mascots. #HudsonUCares
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 24, 2018
Our legal department has advised us that Systemotics is not a cult, nor are its members “crazy”. #HudsonUCares
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 24, 2018
Hey freshmen- Fringe cult Systemotics has not setup in our quad. That’s just NYPD Detective Robert Goren trying to take down one of our professors by pretending to be a Systemotics cultmember. You’ll be seeing a lot of him over the next four years. #OnlyAtHudson
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 24, 2018
Hey students- are you still looking for a job? Can you uselessly yell “You can’t go in there!” and “I tried to stop them sir!”? Can you multi-task and continue working while being questioned by an NYPD Detective? Apply immediately at Schiff Hall! #WorkAtHudson
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 24, 2018
Another reminder: if you are living in the dorms, your roommate has to die during the academic year while instruction is underway for you to get an automatic 4.0 That means that if your roommate dies after 8AM on 9/26 you’d get a 4.0, but not before. #HudsonUCares
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 24, 2018
ATTN Students: Please stop frightening our freshmen by putting up yellow crime tape around campus. It’s bad enough that we have the real crime tape still up after this weekend’s events.
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 24, 2018
Hey, students! It’s Welcome Week on campus- or actually, Welcome Days. Classes start on Wednesday, so you’d better get fully welcomed and oriented today and tomorrow. #WelcomeToHudson
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 24, 2018
It’s been a long weekend and our PR department is racking up a ton of overtime trying to spin the events that took place yesterday, which means that we’ll have to suspend dining commons service until Wednesday to save money to pay for the extra costs. #DidSomeoneSayMcDonalds
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 23, 2018
PLEASE NOTE: We are not running a campus shuttle service today. In fact, we don’t know who that guy offering shuttle service is.
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 23, 2018
We finally have food in the dining commons for the move-in cookout! We’re still limiting access to the student and ONE guest. Will you eat your first college meal with mom or dad?
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 23, 2018
Okay, who was the wiseguy who made this #MankMeme? pic.twitter.com/JpMNbEozSt
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 23, 2018
Hudson Administration would like to commend our staff for their teamwork during this difficult weekend. They’ve been monitoring the situation from the comfort of their own homes and are mostly pleased with your efforts! #HudsonStaff
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 23, 2018
We still have plenty of these T-Shirts for sale!#HudsonCarNado pic.twitter.com/NXnIQdD6u5
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 23, 2018
This newspaper headline is misleading. Nobody actually died during the riot. #HudsonUMythBusting pic.twitter.com/cMQEjVuH6p
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 23, 2018
Today is Move-In Day Number Two! The main roads on campus are still closed and we had to close additional roads due to last night’s “events”, but at least there isn’t a football game happening as well.
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 23, 2018
We would like to apologize for yesterday’s “Car-pocypse” on behalf of our University management team, who were closely monitoring the situation from the comfort of their homes and vacation homes. #HudsonCarpocalypse
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 23, 2018
The angry football game rioters have joined forces with the angry parents. We’re getting out of here before things get worse- good evening and good luck, everyone!
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 23, 2018
Due to the “lively” “crowds” of “upset” parents, we are extending check-in indefinitely. Please ignore the claims of NYC TV stations that there was a “riot” of “violent” parents. #HudsonUMythBusting
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 22, 2018
On-campus Traffic has started to subside! However, our residence hall office has closed for the day, so if you didn’t make it to check in, hopefully you’ll have better luck tomorrow!
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 22, 2018
The NCAA has suspended the Hudson football team yet again, so if you’re stuck in the #HudsonCarNado trying to get to the game, you might as well just try to flip a U and go back home. #HudsonUCares
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 22, 2018
Game update: Hudson: 3, Camden: 42. #HudsonCarNado update: nobody wins. 😔
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 22, 2018
The Hudson/Camden game has kicked off! If you’re currently stuck in the #HudsonCarNado, Camden just forced a fumble and ran the football for a touchdown. Hudson: 0, Camden: 7
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 22, 2018
Since our morning food delivery got stuck in the #HudsonCarNado , The move-in weekend cookout lunch will consist of peanut butter sandwiches and whatever else our dining staff can find in the freezers. (Maybe Corn Dogs?)
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 22, 2018
We would like to challenge the New York Ledger article that claimed today’s “Car-pocalypse” was avoidable and showed that Hudson had nothing but contempt for its constituents. Sure, the Car-nado was avoidable and maybe we do have contempt for people, but, what was the 3rd thing?
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 22, 2018
Traffic on campus is at a virtual standstill. If you’re thinking of coming on campus today, you should probably reconsider those plans... #HudsonCarNado #SorryGuys
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 22, 2018
Due to circumstances that were probably under our control at some point, we have closed Schiff Road and Tripley Lane in addition to the major closure of Hudson Blvd. Now the #HudsonCarNado has become a #HudsonCarpocalypse
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 22, 2018
Will you be watching today’s football game against Camden College on ESPN8 - “The Ocho”? It will look like the stadium is only about 25% full, but in actuality we sold out today. The other 75% of attendees are stuck in the #HudsonCarNado pic.twitter.com/aqLvmEQKP4
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 22, 2018
Hey new students! Don’t worry about whether Chancellor Anderson will be able to attend our move-in rally today: he’s flying in via helicopter and won’t get stuck in the horrific traffic like all of you. #HudsonCarNado
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 22, 2018
Traffic advisory: the white zones are for loading and unloading only. There is no stopping in the red zones. The blue zone isn’t really a thing; we suspect NYPD Detective Robert Goren set it up to entrap someone, so steer clear of it. #HudsonCarNado
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 22, 2018
The #HudsonCarNado is here! Are you heading to campus today? The best advice is to avoid it, but if you still insist, bring plenty of patience! And a taser.
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 22, 2018
UPDATE: The body found on campus died of “natural causes”. Since killing is instinctual in nature, that statement is technically true! #HudsonUCares
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 22, 2018
Hey Freshmen- Excited about move-in weekend?!? Please remember- you only get a 4.0 If your roommate dies after classes begin on September 26th. If they die before then, no automatic 4.0. #HudsonUniversity
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 21, 2018
Management has asked us to stop talking about #HudsonCarNado but the only other big news on campus is the body found near Hudson Lake, so....
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 21, 2018
Are you planning to come to campus tomorrow for move-in day, the football game or just to point and laugh at the people stuck in traffic because we foolishly scheduled move-in day, a football game and major roadwork for the same weekend? Pickup one of our T-Shirts! pic.twitter.com/g9SUrnzdR1
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 21, 2018
In order to better deal with the numerous complaints we are receiving about tomorrow’s “car-mageddon” we will be deleting all em-mails sent to complaints@hudsonuniversityny.org and disconnecting our complaint line. #HudsonUCares
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 21, 2018
We’ll be tweeting out advisories and announcements all day tomorrow! If you’ll be on campus, you might find our information helpful in navigating the traffic nightmare our bad planning has caused. If you won’t be on campus, you might find our tweets amusing.
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 21, 2018
In order to blunt the effects of tomorrow’s “carpocalypse” (doesn’t that sound better than car-nado?) campus parking services will wait three full minutes before ticketing cars without permits versus the normal 30 second delay. #HudsonUCares
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 21, 2018
The regrettable traffic “situation” that will occur tomorrow due to ongoing road construction, dorm move in weekend and a football game all being scheduled on the same day was unavoidable. Okay, that’s not true, but campus mgt. is “meeting” in Tahiti, so what can we do?
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 21, 2018
Happy Friday! Will you be coming onto campus tomorrow during the so-called “Car-Nado”? You might want to leave early, like maybe now? Traffic is going to be *real* bad. #HudsonCarNado
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 21, 2018
Despite what you might have heard, Hudson University remains a solvent organization that is in no way teetering on the edge of bankruptcy. While certain faculty, staff and students might be morally bankrupt, campus finances remain stable.
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 21, 2018
Campus Tour Guides: Please Stop referring to Hudson as a “living horror movie.”
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 20, 2018
Do you have a band that is willing to perform for free during Freshman Welcome Week? We don’t care how you sound, just be willing to work for free.
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 20, 2018
Coming to campus on Saturday during the so-called #HudsonCarNado? Take the subway! We know that’ll be difficult if you’re moving into the dorms, but you can make multiple trips! #HudsonUCares
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 20, 2018
Hudson University Press is proud to announce that NYPD Detective Lennie Briscoe’s legendary book- “Save It For Saint Peter, Buddy!: My Time With The NYPD” is now back in print! All proceeds go to the late Detective Briscoe’s ex-wives. pic.twitter.com/gxhJXRlvAR
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 20, 2018
#DidYouKnow that Hudson University students traditionally have Spring Breaks that end up profiled on such shows as Dateline NBC, Forensic Files, 48 Hours, and 20/20?
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 20, 2018
Okay, who was the wiseguy who photoshopped this picture? “Car-Nado”? Some people are calling us stupid for having major road construction, move-in day and a football game all at the same time. We’re not stupid- our departments just don’t work well together. #HudsonCarNado pic.twitter.com/qS5G36sCD1
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 20, 2018
TRAFFIC ADVISORY- The main road onto campus will still be under construction this weekend. Additionally, the NCAA has lifted its ban on our football program, so we’ll have a football game going as well as move-in weekend. Plan for traffic delays of up to 8 hours. #SorryFolks
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 20, 2018
Contrary to this morning’s NY Ledger smear job, our yearbooks do not double as police mugshot binders. #HudsonUMythBusting
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 20, 2018
It’s Thursday! Sadly, we’re nowhere near ready for move-in day, so bring plenty of patience on Saturday. And tasers. And your own mattress. And a desk if you have one...
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 20, 2018
We have been asked to announce that the Dominos Pizza “Carryout Insurance” is not valid for Hudson students due to too many fraudulent claims.
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 20, 2018
Hey students! We’re now issuing special ID cards for our rich students. That way you won’t have to tell campus security who your father is!
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 19, 2018
Some of the robots in our top secret Robot Lab have gained sentience and are rampaging. If you come across one of them, call 9-1-1 immediately. Let the dispatcher know where you’re seeing the robot, your name and who we should notify as your next of kin. #HudsonUCares
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 19, 2018
#DidYouKnow that compared to the front steps of the NYC courthouse, Hudson University is one of the safest places in NYC?
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 19, 2018
Have you signed up to receive text alerts from Hudson when criminal activity takes place on campus? Switch to an unlimited texting plan, because you’re going to receive a lot of texts. #HudsonUCares
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 19, 2018
We would like to debunk the theory that there must be “something in the water” at Hudson that makes anyone associated with us become a criminal or have less ethics. We tested the water and nothing bad was detected. We’re now testing for possible gas leaks in the dorms as a cause.
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 19, 2018
Are you moving in this weekend? Please be advised that the free dining commons meal is for you and ONE guest. Choose your favorite parent and let them sit this one out.
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 19, 2018
It’s Wednesday! Are you all ready for move in weekend? We’re not. 😞
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 19, 2018
The body in the Rose Garden is real! Please stop tromping around to take selfies with it. You’re being disrespectful & destroying evidence.
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 18, 2018
Contrary to the rantings of our Economics department chair, Hudson is not a Ponzi scheme of any kind.
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 18, 2018
Hey potential students- did you know that many famous celebrities have visited Hudson while fulfilling their community service? Come to Hudson and you might stumble upon Lindsay Lohan, Gary Busey or Billy Tripley!
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 18, 2018
We object to today’s article in the New York Ledger about the safety of our campus tours. Our campus is not “more dangerous than a tour through Wonka’s chocolate factory”. Yes, we might have lost 4 out of 5 students a couple times, but none of them drowned in a chocolate river.
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 18, 2018
The roaming pack of wild dogs cannot be tamed, but if you’re aggressive enough, they may think you’re their leader. If you can trick them into thinking you’re their leader please try to get them to leave our campus and go to NYU instead. #OnlyAtHudson
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 18, 2018
Today’s NY Ledger article about last year’s incident in which every card key opened every door in the residence halls is misleading. Only about 33% of the rooms were ransacked, not 35% as they claim. #HudsonMythBusting
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 18, 2018
Happy Tuesday! We’re cautiously certain that we’ll be ready for move-in weekend, though if we’re not, you might want to bring rodent traps and roach spray. #HudsonUCares
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 18, 2018
Did you notice how slow the Internet was today? That’s because of the Apple iPhone updates and not because of our lousy network and antiquated wireless routers.
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 18, 2018
Did you swim in the Hudson pool yesterday? Hopefully your polio vaccinations are up to date. #HudsonUCares
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 17, 2018
We’ve banned so many fraternities from campus, you should probably just assume that the frat you’re pledging is banned from campus unless otherwise notified. #HudsonUCares
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 17, 2018
Hey, new students- don’t get scared of those wild dogs running around campus- if you make eye contact with the lead dog, they’ll totally back down. #HudsonUCares
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 17, 2018
Hey, new students! Tomorrow is the last day to cancel your Hudson acceptance and still receive part of your deposit back. The part of your deposit you’ll get back will probably be much smaller than you think. #StayAtHudson
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 17, 2018
#DidYouBuy the extra Dell warranty for your new laptop? Read the fine print- it is not valid if you bring the laptop onto the Hudson campus. #HudsonUCares
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 17, 2018
It has come to our attention that the building pictured on the cover of the Hudson Alumni Magazine was Enron headquarters and not the Turing Pharma headquarters as suggested by the caption. Plus, the picture is of an evil ventriloquist dummy and not Martin Shkreli. pic.twitter.com/FMb4R87vYs
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 17, 2018
Happy Monday! We’re relatively certain that we’ll have everything ready for move-in weekend, but just in case we don’t you might want to bring some toilet paper, your own drinks and maybe a twin extra long mattress. #Countdown2Hudson
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 17, 2018
It has come to our attention that foods labeled “vegan” and “vegetarian” in our various campus dining locations were neither vegan nor vegetarian. In fact, these foods had more meat in them than regular meat entrees. #SorryGuys
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 16, 2018
At Hudson University, we make sure that the manufacturers of our officially licensed merchandise conform to the strictest standards in hiring, employment and production. Unless they make a huge side “donation”. In that case, we don’t care what they do.
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 16, 2018
Have you seen a radioactive crocodile roaming campus near Tripley Lab? It has nothing to do with campus and our researchers are not responsible for it, but please let us know if you see it. #WhistlesInnocently
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 16, 2018
Hey, students- we have purchased special insurance for Uber drivers who pick up people on campus, so Uber will now allow their drivers to pickup people on campus again! #HudsonUCares
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 16, 2018
Contrary to this morning’s NY Ledger expose, there isn’t an active serial killer working at Hudson. We think.
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 16, 2018
Happy Sunday! It’s the last weekend before campus is full of new students and their demanding parents. Can you believe new parents are always asking about crimes and murders? What’s that all about?
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 16, 2018
We would also like to thank NewEnron for the “assistance” they provided us today. As a result, we will be supporting their attempt to get people to trust them again. #Shudder
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 15, 2018
Another sponsor who assisted us with getting the power turned back on- .LusciousGrape.net! Sweet wine from a sweet company! pic.twitter.com/wY8OKPJ2uN
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 15, 2018
Thanks to our creepy sponsor Billy Tripley, the power has been restored on campus. Unfortunately we have to use this creepy logo to satisfy our arrangement with him. pic.twitter.com/tjHxH0LyA7
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 15, 2018
Just like Batman’s parents, many people have been killed on the Hudson campus, so be careful out there! #HudsonUCares
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) September 15, 2018