Students: We don’t have a contest where the prize is a trip to Disneyland. The so-called prize patrol is really just smarmy process servers.
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 30, 2019
#DidYouKnow hazing is not permitted at Hudson University? Of course, we can’t be everywhere or in every frat house, so....
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 30, 2019
The water in the main fountain has been dyed red by pranksters. That is NOT blood. #HudsonUCares
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 30, 2019
HUDSON ALERT TEST: This is a test of the Hudson Alert system. Had this been an actual emergency, you would have been instructed to not speak to the media about it and deny that it happened despite all evidence to the contrary. #HudsonAlertSystem
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 30, 2019
Our Dean Of Students just walked in to announce that she is going out west to California for a luxury vacation and asked us for ideas on things she should do while out there. We have some ideas on things she should do, but telling her about them would probably get us fired...
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 30, 2019
Did you miss the deadline to RSVP for next week’s Hudson Employee “Appreciation” Picnic? No problem! We’ve already RSVP’d yes for you- and deducted the cost from your next paycheck! #FeelAppreciatedYet
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 30, 2019
Happy Tuesday! Did you lose a laptop in the dining commons this morning? It was probably stolen!
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 30, 2019
Do you remember when you joined Twitter? We do! Has it really been two years since one of our clueless deans came into our office and asked us if we “had a Tweeter like the young people on the NCIS.” #OurTwitterAnniversary pic.twitter.com/EFo0lhfitp
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 30, 2019
We object to today’s article in the New York Ledger about the safety of our campus tours. Our campus is not “more dangerous than a tour through Wonka’s chocolate factory”. Yes, we might have lost 4 out of 5 students a couple times, but none of them drowned in a chocolate river.
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 29, 2019
Anybody need a social media director? Experienced social media director seeks any position with a company whose paychecks will clear. Experienced with dealing with bad PR and keeping a straight face while telling untruths at press conferences. DM me if you’re hiring!
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 29, 2019
Help us keep your campus safe! If you see something, say something. Unless it involves Hudson University management or is scandalous. In that case, if you see something, report to Branch Hall for your new “scholarship”. #HudsonUCares
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 29, 2019
We would again like to distance ourselves from the controversial toy magnate Billy Tripley. We won’t distance ourselves from his large donations, however. #HudsonUCares
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 29, 2019
#DidYouKnow that Hudson University is the subject of the most podcasts? They’re all murder related, but we’re still number one at something!
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 29, 2019
Systemotics is on campus! Some say they’re a cult. We say they’ve paid their booth fees, so why not stop by to learn about Meepthorp?
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 29, 2019
The Hudson University MasterCard looks great and having one doesn’t harm your credit score (much). Sign up now in the quad! pic.twitter.com/gwsn63GYUz
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 29, 2019
#DidYouKnow Schiff Hall was named after former New York DA Adam Schiff? Despite this honor, he still indicted Hudson’s president.
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 29, 2019
If you see someone driving around in the Safe Campus Golf Cart, please call security immediately! The cart was stolen.
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 28, 2019
ALERT: We have not authorized that strange food truck that has been seen around campus. If you see it, please call 911.
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 28, 2019
Do you want to support our world class criminal law school? Donate to Hudson! We don’t care where the money comes from! #DonateToHudson
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 28, 2019
Hudson University is working on important things; like helping defense lawyers choose juries that will acquit their clients. #DonateToHudson
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 28, 2019
We’ll truly name anything on campus after anyone for a donation- like the Tony Profaci urinal, located in Schiff Hall! #DonateToHudson
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 28, 2019
What’s the optimal temperature for a wine cellar? Hudson is doing the research to tackle this important issue of the day! #DonateToHudson
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 28, 2019
Tonight at the #HudsonCineplex in Schiff Hall - “Murder Nun”. It’s about a nun who commits murders! All seats just $3 for students!
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 27, 2019
Please stop turning all the TVs in the welcome center to TrueCrimeTV. It’s scaring off prospective students. #HudsonUCares
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 27, 2019
#DidYouKnow if your professor is dramatically arrested by a maverick NYPD detective after being confronted in front of class, you get an A?
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 27, 2019
This is wrong too. Only 25% of our students skip bail. pic.twitter.com/X2LoOr7jls
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 27, 2019
This meme isn’t true either. They strangle more than just students in the Rose Garden. The last guy who got strangled there was a professor. pic.twitter.com/wctEYvNf5t
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 27, 2019
Happy Saturday! Our administration would like to know who keeps creating these memes... pic.twitter.com/q87DBsZB7T
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 27, 2019
Please behave over the weekend! We’re still recovering from Open Hudson Day and last night’s bat riot. #PleaseBeCool
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 26, 2019
Anyone looking for a comedy writer? We think our paychecks are going to bounce and we have extensive experience writing about a joke of a college. #NobodyInAdminReallyReadsTheseTweets
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 26, 2019
Attention students- The deadline for paying your Fall tuition has been moved up to next Friday. We really need the money due to legal problems. #PayUp
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 26, 2019
Looking for something to watch other than the Avengers? Why not see this film about the most dangerous place in NYC that *isn’t* Hudson University? pic.twitter.com/CTgViR3P6b
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 26, 2019
We don’t know what this is all about, but stick it to The Man and buy a Hudson University T-Shirt today! https://t.co/hhaEf0rBH9 pic.twitter.com/sxzt2N1uZa
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 26, 2019
Hudson University’s satellite arraignment Court is at capacity this morning. Some of you will have to get arraigned downtown. #SorryFolks
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 26, 2019
Happy Friday! Please avoid most areas of campus today as we clean up from last night’s “events”. In unrelated news, “Bat Nights” are canceled indefinitely. pic.twitter.com/dStW6E7fhb
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 26, 2019
I go to @OfficialHudsonU now, final last words 🤣 #BadExchangeSVU #SVU @nbcsvu @SVUWritersRoom 👏
— SVU One-liners (@SVUOneLiner) April 26, 2019
The rogue speakers have been located and neutralized. What a relief! In other news, please avoid the Rose Garden while NYPD investigators finish up their investigation into the suspicious death of Dean Jeff Marconi. #HudsonUCares
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 25, 2019
Now those creepy speakers are playing sinister background music. It’s freaking us out! “For several unlucky Hudson students Finals Week would become their final week alive...”
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 25, 2019
REWARD: $15,000 to the person who locates those creepy speakers playing the Dateline NBC Quotes and destroys them for us. “The students who ate the brownies with CBD in them quickly became DOA!”
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 25, 2019
Okay, now we’re really freaking out because we can’t seem to find those hidden speakers with the sinister Dateline NBC narration. “Most people don’t lie to the police about their whereabouts when a loved one is murdered. But you didn’t do that, did you?”
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 25, 2019
It appears that someone has setup rogue theme park-style speakers around the quad and is playing ominous narration from Dateline NBC episodes. It’s really freaking the incoming students out. “Little did the students know that they were being led like sheep to slaughter.”
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 25, 2019
Tonight is “Hudson Hitter” Bat Night at the Hudson University Hawks baseball game! These full size bats are a great way to remember the game and serve as a handy self defense method afterwards! pic.twitter.com/uslQyglO19
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 25, 2019
Happy Thursday! Have you encountered a pack of mutant turkeys on campus? There’s no such thing as a mutant turkey, but if you see any please call Tripley Lab immediately and do not confront them. #HudsonUCares
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 25, 2019
Did you lose a laptop in Branch Hall today? It probably isn’t missing- it was stolen. #HudsonUCares
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 24, 2019
Did you park a blue Toyota Camry in Lot 15? You left your lights on. And your car was stolen. #HudsonUCares
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 24, 2019
#NewSigns pic.twitter.com/Esm2Hr25dH
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 24, 2019
#NewSigns pic.twitter.com/MH14vFLY28
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 24, 2019
#NewSigns pic.twitter.com/s4xTS949x0
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 24, 2019
The new signs will feature some of our donors too! #NewSigns pic.twitter.com/HOAKhuYCBx
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 24, 2019
It’s Wednesday! We’re introducing new signage throughout campus! #NewSigns pic.twitter.com/9L38261CHh
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 24, 2019
Better get your tickets to our Employee “Appreciation” Picnics soon- it’s coming up on May 8, 2019! We’ll have more security on hand this time- we promise! pic.twitter.com/U8Pb0KVnz2
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 23, 2019
Looking for a fun weekend getaway? Getaway to Action Park! Discount tickets for Hudson students are available NOW! #ActionPark pic.twitter.com/WblKEKhc4K
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 23, 2019
Until further notice, we will be replacing the name brand cereal in the residence halls with that cheap bagged stuff that nobody really likes. #DealWithIt
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 23, 2019
We have been asked to remind our students that Domino’s Pizza Insurance is not valid for orders made by Hudson University affiliates due to widespread fraud. pic.twitter.com/vHdfnOd9JL
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 23, 2019
Hudson University’s legal team has advised us to ask you to forget that last tweet about asbestos. #HudsonLegalTeam
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 23, 2019
Remember when Hudson University scienticians used to certify products? #HudsonUPride pic.twitter.com/Myb1lFv0Ik
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 23, 2019
Due to the controversy surrounding Billy Tripley (and the fact that his last donation check bounced) we are renaming Tripley Arena. Its new name will be “Shkreli Arena”. #LessControversial
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 23, 2019
It’s Tuesday! Please be advised that there is no such thing as “Golden Ticket Day” on campus. Those “Golden Tickets” being handed out on campus are really subpoenas. #BeCareful
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 23, 2019
Sorry students, the guy dressed as Batman who was climbing the clock tower has been caught. He was our new Psych professor, so unfortunately Psych 101 will be canceled for at least a week.
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 22, 2019
If you see Keith Morrison on campus, please notify campus admin. We’re trying to convince him to stop calling us “Crime College”.
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 22, 2019
It has come to our attention that people are distributing this photoshopped picture as “proof” that NYPD Detective Robert Goren was Hudson’s Easter Bunny yesterday. He was not. Besides, any interaction between your child and him would have been protected by Bunny/Child privilege. pic.twitter.com/6hSrus9yjA
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 22, 2019
Hey kids! Free pizza tonight in the dorms! Please note: all students in attendance must sign a waiver. #DontAskWhy
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 22, 2019
#DidYouKnow Hudson University was ranked *safer* than Chuck E. Cheese? #HudsonUPride
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 22, 2019
Our bookstore’s book buyback policies are not ‘akin to a Ponzi scheme’. #HudsonMythBusting
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 22, 2019
It appears that a few of the plastic Easter Eggs from yesterday may have accidentally had an experimental new drug in them. There’s no need to worry, however- most of those pills were placebos. #HudsonUCares
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 22, 2019
Happy Monday! Did you have a wonderful Easter? We did! Especially after the Rose Garden crime scene was cleared and we were able to host the Annual Easter Egg Hunt! #HudsonUPride
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 22, 2019
A reminder- today’s Easter egg hunt on campus was not disrupted by drug addled students; it was disrupted because we found a dead body. #HudsonMythBusting pic.twitter.com/Az01QfReZj
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 21, 2019
Have you been watching the Lifetime Movie Network? They’ve been running a marathon of movies based on Hudson crimes! pic.twitter.com/YTz7OpKEeH
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 21, 2019
Looking for a book about our amazing Rose Garden? Find out about the types of roses you’ll see and the murders that have taken place there in this captivating book available at the student store! pic.twitter.com/zXi9P4Uhaq
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 21, 2019
Looking for a perfect Easter meal? You probably won’t find one, so why not just go to Briscoe’s Cafe? It’s on campus! pic.twitter.com/pHorkiagtG
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 21, 2019
Hey, parents- the Hudson Rose Garden has been cleared by the NYPD CSU and we’re ready for some Easter egg hunt fun! pic.twitter.com/7dSLtvTZiG
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 21, 2019
Happy Easter! The start of the annual Hudson Easter Egg Hunt in our famed Rose Garden is delayed due to “unforeseen circumstances”. Enjoy a delicious brunch at Briscoe’s Cafe while we “clear the scene”. pic.twitter.com/fjc6f3qLa3
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 21, 2019
Beware of this rando “Easter Bunny”- he may be armed and is extremely dangerous! pic.twitter.com/vcATEMmGum
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 20, 2019
REMINDER: If you find any plastic eggs hidden around campus, do not touch them and call 9-1-1. #HudsonUCares
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 20, 2019
We don’t think this is a real thing... pic.twitter.com/SHpLdSHofL
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 20, 2019
Wow, it’s mighty nice out there today. Not like last Saturday during Open Hudson Day- did you know we had a record number of arrests last weekend? #BadNewsDump
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 20, 2019
Why do students avoid our white security transport vans? Maybe if we offered riders free candy they’d use our service? pic.twitter.com/Bhbp0CysDq
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 20, 2019
It’s a nice, quiet holiday weekend on campus! Maybe too quiet... #EasterWeekend
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 20, 2019
We’ve had several slots open up over the past week! Are you on our waiting list? Check your e-mail! Some say these slots are cursed, but that’s just superstition!
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 19, 2019
Look, is it a crime to make a few extra bucks to look the other way? It’s not like Hudson University is paying us the big bucks! If I can make some scratch off that nutty professor with the fancy diplomas, I’m going to do it!
— Law & Order: Special Witness Unit (@law_order_swu) April 19, 2019
Please Note: the guy passing himself off as “Professor Harris” is not a real professor. We’ll only give you 2 credits for taking his class.
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 19, 2019
Thinking about applying to Hudson U? We now accept recommendation letters from wardens, probation officers and prison guards!
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 19, 2019
After this week’s “unscheduled visits” from the FBI, things have finally calmed down and Branch Hall has reopened. #HudsonUPride
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 19, 2019
Have you bumped into the “Easter Bunny” currently frolicking in the Rose Garden? That’s NYPD Detective Robert Goren, most likely trying to entrap someone. It’s best to steer clear of him. #OnlyAtHudson
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 19, 2019
The Dining Commons will be closed over the weekend- not because of the holiday, but because we want to save a few bucks. #EatElsewhere
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 19, 2019
Have you seen one of the Easter eggs hidden around campus? Please call 9-1-1 immediately! #DontAskWhy
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 19, 2019
Happy Friday! We’ve finally cleaned everything up, so please be cool over the weekend! #HudsonUCares
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 19, 2019
#ThrowbackThursday Anyone remember this episode of The Twilight Zone? We suspect this is a fake, but we’re not sure. If it’s fake, whoever did it must have a lot of time on his or her hands. pic.twitter.com/rz6DEd4lZF
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 18, 2019
HELP WANTED: Can you help explain to our extremely old Dean of Students what a podcast is? He wants to do a podcast to reassure students after the data breach but he thinks he can just buy one at the Apple Store. #WeConfusedHim
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 18, 2019
ATTN: Hudson Staff- as part of our new cyber security protocols, we are asking you all to secure your password post-it notes by hiding them under your computer keyboard, setting your mug on top of them or sliding them under your mousepad. #CyberSecurityAtHudson
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 18, 2019
#DidYouKnow that Hudson University purchased the Sally Struthers Correspondence School In 1995? That’s why Hudson’s TV/VCR Repair Graduate Program was once considered the best of all such programs from schools named after rivers.
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 18, 2019
Due to “unforeseen circumstances,” the scheduled episode of “Undercover Boss” that was supposed to feature the chancellor of Hudson University will not be seen tonight. Or ever. pic.twitter.com/67WWmLNQP4
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 18, 2019
@lawandorderpod @OfficialHudsonU of course Hudson would have a white van... pic.twitter.com/iVAGZTtpOZ
— Sonja Cori Missio (@SonjaMissio) April 18, 2019
Tensley Evans is not here on campus to film a movie- she’s working off some community service hours from her last scandal. Please stop bothering this hot mess of an actress. #HudsonUCares
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 18, 2019
It’s Thursday! Branch Hall will remain on lockdown until the FBI stops making its “unscheduled visits” that @DailyLedgerNYC keeps misrepresenting as “raids”.
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 18, 2019
The soap opera “Fraternity Row” was not completely based on things that have happened here at Hudson. They only based their murder and crime storylines on us. #HudsonDistraction
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 17, 2019
There sure are a lot of people in Branch Hall shouting “What’s the meaning of this?”, “You can’t go in there” and “I’ll be talking to your superiors!” this afternoon...
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 17, 2019
The NYPD Computer Crimes division did not “stage a raid” on Branch Hall this morning. We prefer to call it a “surprise visit”. Anyone know if NYPD Lieutenant Olivia Benson still has any contacts in Computer Crimes? She’s not answering our calls. #AnswerThePhoneLiv
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 17, 2019
We are mysteriously replacing our entire IT staff and are now hiring! Can you use the Google to reverse the hack? #WorkAtHudson pic.twitter.com/njjNLVJY0P
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 17, 2019
Please stop asking us about the massive data breach that our computer systems have suffered. Yes, personal data was probably exposed, but we can’t discuss it at all. #StopAsking
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 17, 2019
There are some rumors going around campus that hackers have compromised our servers. Rest assured- We are not permitted to mention any more about this on the advice of our legal team. Hey, we still have tacos in the quad! #NothingToSeeHere
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 17, 2019
Happy Wednesday! We think we might be fully recovered from Open Hudson Day by this evening. (At least physically. The mental scars will take longer to heal.)
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 17, 2019
#IStandWithTheWGA pic.twitter.com/9yw2fnbRyG
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 17, 2019
The Rose Garden is closed until further notice. A professor is being confronted by the NYPD. Again. #OnlyAtHudson
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 16, 2019
FYI, Comedy Central is NOT filming “Drunk History” on campus. History Professor Macca was just falling down drunk on his own. #OnlyAtHudson
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 16, 2019
Wear a Hudson U T-Shirt & save 5% in the student store! Not valid on murder and conspiracy themed books and souvenirs.
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 16, 2019
Attention new students- campus tours are canceled this week while we some “remodeling” after the weekend’s “spirited revelry” We know it’s a bummer, but if you really want to come to Hudson, you don’t want you parents to see it like this. #HudsonUCares
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 16, 2019
It has come to our attention that John Munch claimed that highly intelligent dolphins were being trained in the basement of Tripley Lab for nefarious purposes. There are NO dolphins in the basement of Tripley Lab. At least not anymore. #HudsonMythBusting
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 16, 2019
Get a glamorous “last known photograph” that you’d be proud to see on Dateline NBC! pic.twitter.com/hFKdFXzLmZ
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 16, 2019
It’s #TacoTuesday ! Are you living in the dorms and willing to “volunteer” to help us clean up after the weekend’s “spirited Revelry”? Meet at the quad at noon- we’ll have tacos! (Acceptance of a taco means you waive all rights to sue us.) #HudsonUCares
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 16, 2019
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 16, 2019
ALERT: The guy handing out fliers for free pizza on the quad is just NYPD Detective Robert Goren in disguise trying to dig up dirt for one of his cases. Please avoid making any incriminating statements.
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 15, 2019
Yet again, we must alert you of some unauthorized yet awesome T-Shirts that are being sold out there. pic.twitter.com/45iRF8OVgi
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 15, 2019
Incoming students: remember that you need to submit your fingerprints and a DNA swab. It will make things much easier later on. #HudsonUCares
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 15, 2019
The Hudson Faculty Prize honors exemplary faculty members who are principled role models for their colleagues and students. Recipients must be nominated by their peers and exhibit high moral turpitude. Unfortunately, nobody qualified this year. #BetterLuckNextTime
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 15, 2019
Thanks to a generous donation from The Tripley Foundation, we will continue to ignore the horrific crimes perpetrated by Billy Tripley. #WeLookTheOtherWay
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 15, 2019
Due to the stress caused by having to worry if things would get real bad on Open Hudson Day, Hudson’s Administration team is taking the week off to “clear” their minds. Everyone else on staff is prohibited from taking any time off as the campus continues cleaning things up.
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 15, 2019
Happy Monday! There’s got to be a week after- Please avoid most of campus while we get everything fixed, cleaned up and back to normal after Open Hudson Day! #HudsonUCares
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 15, 2019
It’s that time of year when Hollywood is beginning to hire writers for the next television season! Anyone looking for a sarcastic writer who tries to make a hellish university look good despite its huge crime problem? #DontTellOurManagementAboutThisTweet
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 15, 2019
Due to damaged WiFi transponders, Hudson-WiFi coverage is spotty around campus. HudWireless coverage is good, though it is an unofficial wireless network setup by a hacker who is stealing passwords. #TakeTheRisk
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 14, 2019
Please note: due to last night’s “spirited Revelry”, Branch Hall will be closed until Wednesday. #OpenHudson2019
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 14, 2019
We refuse to make further comments about yesterday’s events on the advice of our attorneys and public relations experts. Besides, many of the events will eventually be featured on Dateline NBC or Investigation Discovery anyway. #HudsonOnTV
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 14, 2019
A ton of valuable items were apparently lost by Open Hudson Day attendees. Since it would be too difficult to keep track of it and identify the owners, we’re just going to sell it all off at our surplus auction. #HudsonUCares
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 14, 2019
Good news- no deaths resulted from Open Hudson Day this year! #HudsonPride pic.twitter.com/JOsCS2vao5
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 14, 2019
Good Morning! As work crews restore order to campus, please avoid getting in their way. On the bright side, damage estimates are down from last year! #MorningAfter
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 14, 2019
These “unintended fires” are really just students having spontaneous barbecues. #TrustUs https://t.co/jANZ5Z65H5
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 14, 2019
We’re not #Murderpalooza. Nobody has been murdered at #OpenHudson2019. At least, not yet anyway. https://t.co/JyJ2cCJsjP
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 13, 2019
Please avoid using the South Gate to leave campus; there’s an “unintended fire” in the vicinity. #OpenHudson2019
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 13, 2019
We made it through another Open Hudson Day! Campus is now closed, so please make your way off campus in a calm and orderly manner. Keep in mind, you might get tased. #OpenHudson2019
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 13, 2019
Wow, we’ve been busy today! Putting a positive spin on a campus full of bad guys and criminals is hard work! #OpenHudson2019 #WhereTheBadGuysGoToSchool
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 13, 2019
As this year’s #OpenHudson2019 winds down, please prepare to leave campus in a calm and reasonable manner. Our security staff has itchy taser fingers. #PleaseBeCool
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 13, 2019
Contrary to what John Munch claimed, our chancellor is not hiding out because he’s a reptilian; he’s hiding out because he doesn’t want to get served with a subpoena. #OpenHudson2019
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 13, 2019
We would like to remind everyone that the views expressed by John Munch during his presentation today are not necessarily those of Hudson University. The Walt Disney Company bought Twentieth-Century-Fox - they did not form a “cabal” as John Munch claimed. #OpenHudson2019
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) April 13, 2019