Good night kids! Remember that classes are still in session tomorrow so don’t get too drunk tonight! #GoodNight
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) November 1, 2019
Well folks, John Munch’s presentation is over. If you swear that you are not a member of the Illuminati or part of a cabal, John Munch will be happy to sign his book for you.
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) November 1, 2019
Hudson does not add hallucinogenic substances into student meals. At least, not anymore. #MunchTime
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) November 1, 2019
Mixing special k, heroin and crack in a daiquiri has NEVER been called ‘Hudson Horse’ as John Munch claims his ex-partner once told him. #MunchTime
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) November 1, 2019
Our chancellor is not dressed like a clown today because he’s dodging process servers, though that is a nice side benefit. #MunchTime
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) November 1, 2019
There isn’t a vast, secret “espionage center” under Branch Hall as John Munch claims. It’s actually located under The Birdie Sulloway Center for the Performing Arts. #MunchTime
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) November 1, 2019
We did not sell out our integrity when we accepted money from Billy Tripley as John Munch just said. We really had no dignity to begin with. #MunchTime
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) November 1, 2019
Controversial retailer Cloud Nine does not have us in their back pocket. It is a total coincidence that they donated $5 Million to us right before we announced our research findings that employees were totally cool with a lower minimum wage. #MunchTime
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) November 1, 2019
Playing old Spice Girls songs backwards does not reveal a vast conspiracy to brainwash high schoolers into attending Hudson University. Our lax admissions standards for wealthy individuals means we don’t have to stoop to brainwashing to get students to attend. #MunchTime
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) November 1, 2019
Tripley Lab is not purposely training dolphins to speak as John Munch claims. Those dolphins speak because of the radiation they were exposed to as part of a more nefarious scheme. #MunchTime
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) November 1, 2019
Former professor Nicole Wallace used her feminine wiles to get what she wanted here at Hudson University and not CIA backed mind control protocols as John Munch just claimed. #MunchTime
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) November 1, 2019
While our dean of students does have a forked tongue like John Munch just claimed, she had it done surgically when she was into the Insane Clown Posse and is NOT a lizard person. #MunchTime
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) November 1, 2019
We will be listening in on and live tweeting John Munch’s presentation from an undisclosed location on campus where Wi-Fi is still available. Hudson’s Legal Team wanted us to refute any outlandish statements made by Munch during his talk. #MunchTime
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 31, 2019
All of the seats in Tripley Hall are taken. If you’re cool about it, we’ll let you stand in the back and on the aisles. Please don’t narc on us to the Fire Marshall. #HudsonUCares
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 31, 2019
The doors to Tripley Hall have opened and WiFi has been turned off at John Munch’s request. You’ll have to wait until after the event to post your videos with the #HudsonStampede hashtag.
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 31, 2019
The Tripley Hall doors will open in 15 minutes. We ask that you enter in an orderly fashion, though if you take that advice, you probably won’t get a seat. #TuorumPericulo
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 31, 2019
ALERT: You will be given the opportunity to lock up your cell phones, recording devices, etc. once you enter Tripley Hall. If you have already handed over your equipment to the people in the “Event Staff” shirts working the line, your items have been stolen. #OnlyAtHudson
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 31, 2019
Whatever you do, do NOT accept the free hamburgers that NYPD Detective Robert Goren is handing out. It must be a trap of some kind...
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 31, 2019
If you’re not in line yet for John Munch’s presentation, you’re probably not getting in. As a matter of fact, most of the people in that line are probably not getting in. #SorryFolks
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 31, 2019
A word of advice- do NOT accept candy from anyone currently handing it out in the quad. As far as we know it isn’t poison, but this is Hudson, so why take a chance? #HudsonUCares
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 31, 2019
We don’t think this is a real publication, but maybe it should be. #DrugTrends pic.twitter.com/qgq5DwBJP5
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 31, 2019
ALERT: We’re beginning to think that the woman carrying around a bloody axe in the quad is NOT wearing a costume. #OnlyAtHudson
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 31, 2019
Wow, folks are already lining up for John Munch’s talk tonight! They must really like listening to him if they’re willing to risk being on the Hudson campus for hours!
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 31, 2019
It’s Halloween! Where even a crazy place like Hudson can get crazier. Seriously, though, don’t assume that any bodies you might stumble upon are mannequins. You might think you’re getting a selfie with an amazingly real mannequin, but you’re really contaminating a crime scene.
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 31, 2019
What if this was all just a strange scheme to get a writing gig and the world as we know it doesn’t really exist? #DeepThoughts
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 31, 2019
Of course, we’ll have a vast selection of John Munch’s books available for purchase before, during and after his presentation. If he doesn’t suspect that you’re part of a secret cabal, he might even sign one of them for you! pic.twitter.com/RFclvsE8mq
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 30, 2019
#DidYouKnow that if a stranger tries to befriend you on campus, they’re most likely an undercover cop, grifter or serial killer? It’s best to just avoid making friends for four years. #HudsonCares
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 30, 2019
We would like to remind you all that it is probably NOT a good idea to wear a costume on campus tomorrow. It’s not prohibited, but if you wear a costume you’ll most likely regret it. #HudsonUCares
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 30, 2019
Can you believe that Retired NYPD Detective John Munch will be on our campus tomorrow? #MunchTime pic.twitter.com/7ueer6zw2F
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 30, 2019
Doesn’t our campus look marvelous today? It’s almost like toxic fumes hadn’t escaped from Tripley Hall, killing numerous trees and causing birds to fall from the sky. #BeautifulHudson
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 30, 2019
This comic book isn’t real, but it should be! #DatelineNBC #HappyEarlyHalloween pic.twitter.com/uxlTzuCGVA
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 30, 2019
It’s Wednesday! One more day until retired NYPD Detective John Munch regales us with his latest conspiracy theories. Is Cloud Nine building its stores over underground FEMA Camps? Probably not, but maybe that’s part of the craziness he’ll spread tomorrow!
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 30, 2019
It is not true that most serial killers of the last fifty years attended Hudson University, though a great deal of them did. #HudsonUMythBusting
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 29, 2019
ALERT: If you happen to run into retired NYPD Detective John Munch, please don’t mention how our campus has been closed these past two days. He’s really paranoid and we’re really looking forward to his Halloween night presentation. #PleaseBeCool
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 29, 2019
Again, we must object to a New York Ledger article. The allegation that Hudson University is “dominated” by an “illicit secret society” is false. Hudson’s dominant secret society is hardly “illicit”. #HudsonMythBusting
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 29, 2019
We are sad to report that campus will be open as usual tomorrow. #Yikes
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 29, 2019
People keep guessing why campus is closed. All we can say is that the guesses so far have been mostly wrong. The real reason is probably much worse than you’re thinking.
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 29, 2019
Okay, who is the wiseguy who photoshopped this fake comic book? Goren is more of a bad headache than a nightmare. #GorenIsCrazy pic.twitter.com/cukqqOUeLY
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 29, 2019
The eccentric gentleman handing out Orientation flyers on the Hudson quad is really NYPD Detective Robert Goren, apparently investigating something. Don’t trust him! He figures out your weakness and exploits it until you confess. #HudsonUCares
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 29, 2019
It’s Tuesday! Campus is still closed “in light of recent events”, but we’re ordering in Domino’s Pizza! They agreed to make the delivery as long as we waived the pizza insurance! #TheyDoNotTrustUs
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 29, 2019
Have a good evening, folks! We’re guessing campus will be closed again tomorrow, but who knows? #NotUs
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 28, 2019
In honor of Halloween, we dug up this old “Tales From The Crypt” featuring Hudson University. It’s crazy, right? That building is Branch Hall- you can’t earn a PhD there! pic.twitter.com/l1MDSFk8Ua
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 28, 2019
Hudson University graduates are the most successful of any other barely Ivy League college- they tend to inherit more of their wealthy parents’ money than graduates from any other University! #HudsonUPride
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 28, 2019
#DidYouKnow that even though the film “Newsies” portrays Hearst as the most hated person in New York at the time, that “honor” actually went to Hudson’s chancellor at the time who was suspected of committing several murders at the time. #TheyNeverProvedIt
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 28, 2019
We’re confused by this meme- is it saying that our staff is grouchy or that we treat them like punching bags? Either is probably true. #HudsonDoesNotCare pic.twitter.com/v7P7gDL4QX
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 28, 2019
Please note: Since campus is closed today, the dining commons will not be serving food. Students living in the residence halls are welcome to bring their own food with them to the dining commons, but please bring enough for everyone. #HudsonUCares
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 28, 2019
It’s Monday! In light of recent events, classes at Hudson University have been canceled. We cannot tell you what those events are, but trust us- if you knew what they were you wouldn’t want to be on campus. #HudsonUCares
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 28, 2019
#DidYouKnow that Universal Studios in Hollywood has a replica of Tripley Hall and our Rose Garden on its backlot? So many true crime shows and television movies are based on crimes committed here that it became necessary to build the replica to accommodate them. #HudsonUPride
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 27, 2019
NYPD Detective Robert Goren is indeed a real person and not an insane legend invented by Hudson Security to keep students in line. He is crazy, however. #TourGuideMyths
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 27, 2019
The “Hudson Ripper” was not the same person who committed murders in London as “Jack the Ripper”. We think. #TourGuideMyths
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 27, 2019
Contrary to statements made at Investigation Discovery’s recent press junket, they do not have enough material about Hudson University Crimes to program an entire month’s schedule. The most they could do is maybe three and a half weeks. #SettingTheRecordStraight
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 27, 2019
We don’t know what he’ll be talking about on Halloween, but retired NYPD Detective John Munch’s outlandish conspiracy theories about Hudson University are (mostly) untrue. #HudsonUPride
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 27, 2019
It’s Sunday! A cursory glance at social media shows no controversial costumes, degenerate behavior or offensive statements about last night on campus. Good job, everyone! #WellDone
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 27, 2019
#HudsonQuotes pic.twitter.com/QvpcG970yM
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 26, 2019
#HudsonQuotes pic.twitter.com/QnijAG7SVT
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 26, 2019
#HudsonQuotes pic.twitter.com/JP8A34cPhn
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 26, 2019
#HudsonQuotes pic.twitter.com/KloRu2Xkhd
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 26, 2019
#HudsonQuotes pic.twitter.com/Y41SDP7LoP
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 26, 2019
Today we’re sharing quotes about Hudson University from important historical figures! #HudsonQuotes pic.twitter.com/teOl4Qhtfi
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 26, 2019
Please don’t do anything Halloween related this weekend that will embarrass Hudson University- you know what we mean. #PleaseBeCool
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 25, 2019
#DidYouKnow that “Jeopardy” will not allow Hudson students to participate in College Week? When we asked them why, they said it was “obvious”. Not to us. #WhyNotHudson
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 25, 2019
A week from today, Retired NYPD Detective John Munch will be on campus sharing more of his Conspiracy theories in Tripley Hall. Please be advised: WiFi will be shut off during John Munch’s appearance at his request. #HeDoesNotTrustWiFi
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 25, 2019
Some people have guessed that we are the writers for the “Crime & Punishment” TV franchise and that we’re making all this up. If that were true, it would be AWESOME! #HireUsAwayFromThisPlace
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 25, 2019
Please cut our security staff some slack this weekend- they are doing the best they can in the absolute worst of situations. #OnlyAtHudson
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 25, 2019
We’re not sure of the best way to ask this question, so we’re just going to come out and ask- anyone missing a kidney? #OnlyAtHudson
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 25, 2019
It’s Friday! One day closer to death, but at least the weekend is finally here! #EmoHudson
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 25, 2019
#DidYouKnow that the taxidermied animals at the Hudson Natural History Museum have been freaking out school groups for almost 100 years now?
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 24, 2019
Ferryman’s Funeral Parlor offers Hudson students a 25% discount on all death care services and products. You can even save on Hudson branded coffins and urns! #OnlyAtHudson
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 24, 2019
It is not true that we used to have living Alligators in Alligator Lake; the lake is named after a famed serial killer whose nickname was “The Alligator” because he killed people with a chainsaw near that lake in 1912. He was never caught. #HudsonMythBusting
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 24, 2019
We must again refute something printed in today’s Ledger. Hudson’s Secret Lab is not “bizarre” or “nightmarish”. Oh wait, it totally is those things. #Nevermind
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 24, 2019
It has come to our attention that our Student Health Center’s polio vaccines might actually give people polio instead of prevent it. Our bad.
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 24, 2019
Logan’s Pub has had its liquor license suspended again, so come on down tonight while we sell our last stock of alcohol until we run out or get shut down again by the NYPD.
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 24, 2019
Happy Thursday! We would like to assure our campus community that the construction currently taking place near the Rose Garden is fully and legally permitted. Why would anyone think we’d illegally build something without permits? #InnocentHudson
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 24, 2019
It has been brought to our attention that if someone asks Siri for directions to Hudson she is guiding them to Rikers Island instead. How could anyone mistake Hudson for Rikers Island? #OnlyAtHudson
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 23, 2019
#DidYouKnow that Hudson Med produces more “angels of death” serial killers than any other Med school?
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 23, 2019
Reminder: Hudson University is not responsible for lost or stolen articles, damaged cars, unexplained fires, murders and everything else. #TuorumPericulo
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 23, 2019
Hudson Grads- Looking for a job with a trusted, esteemed employer? They probably won’t hire you, so why not work for us? #WorkAtHudson
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 23, 2019
The Hudson Hotel’s “historic” ballroom has been fully fumigated and deloused! If you’re looking for the perfect place to host your next special event, it is probably too expensive, so why not just have it here? #HudsonHotel
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 23, 2019
It has been brought to our attention that hundreds of people who ate in the dining commons came down with food poisoning last night. We’re certain that it was a coincidence and that they all must have gotten sick from eating at a bodega or something.
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 23, 2019
Happy Wednesday! We’re halfway through the week and on-campus Crimes are way down so far this week! Down 0.245%! #HudsonUPride
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 23, 2019
Tour Guides: Please stop claiming that infamous murderess Lizzie Borden graduated from Hudson University. She attended Hudson University but never graduated. #HudsonMythBusting
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 22, 2019
The Birdie Sulloway Performing Arts Pavilion only chooses the best of the best to perform on its legendary stage- unless you pay us a ton of cash. Then you’re automatically qualified.
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 22, 2019
Campus tour guides- Please stop referring to campus as “The Most Murderous Place on Earth”. There are other places with far more murders than Hudson University- We Think.
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 22, 2019
Hey, Hudson Computer Science Majors- leading dark web sites are currently recruiting from an undisclosed location. Can you prove that you’re not a narc? Send an encrypted message to drkweb@hudson.darkweb with your resume and a sworn statement that you’re not a narc!
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 22, 2019
Contrary to legend, the mansion from the movie “Clue” was not inspired by one of our famed residence halls, but the murders definitely were. #HudsonInHollywood
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 22, 2019
We’ll have tacos all day for #TacoTuesday! Did you hear about Taco Bell’s recent beef recall? No? That’s great! We coincidentally bought a bunch of seasoned taco meat. Enjoy delicious tacos in the dining commons!
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 22, 2019
It’s Tuesday! We would like to correct a statement from today’s Ledger article about our employees- Hudson University has been named ONE OF the worst universities to work for, not THE worst university to work for. #SettingTheRecordStraight
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 22, 2019
The Hudson Student Store is recalling its line of Hudson Branded Fedoras because they have been linked to a rise in douchebaggery on campus. Hat owners are advised to stop wearing the hats immediately and return them for a full refund and chastisement. #HudsonRecall
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 21, 2019
REMINDER: Pre-registering at HudsonSettlementOnline. org will make your future settlement payments arrive in your bank account much faster! #HudsonUCares
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 21, 2019
#DidYouKnow that Hudson Business School alums have sat on the boards of such high flying companies as Enron, Toys R Us, Worldcom, Fraud Guarantee, Blockbuster Video and many more! #HudsonUPride
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 21, 2019
UPDATE: We figured out why that creepy band from yesterday was playing funeral dirges and it is too disturbing to publicly discuss. Besides, at this point it would be too late to save yourselves anyway. #HudsonUCares
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 21, 2019
#DidYouKnow that your donations help our Hudson Law students? Your donations make it possible for them to gain real world experience by helping defend us from numerous lawsuits resulting from AVC Jessie McGinty-LeBerge’s bullying, hostile behavior. #SilverLining
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 21, 2019
We would like to clarify that Hudson University, as required by law, takes reports of bullying and hostile work environments seriously. We just don’t take them very seriously when they concern a VIP. #HudsonUCares
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 21, 2019
It’s Monday! Hudson Blind Item: Which campus department will undergo huge layoffs if they don’t stop complaining about their bullying, arrogant Assistant Vice Chancellor? Hint: The one led by AVC Jessie McGinty-LeBerge. #StopComplaining
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 21, 2019
We have received numerous complaints about Assistant Vice Chancellor Jessie McGinty-LeBerge’s bullying, arrogant behavior. PLEASE BE ADVISED: Our campus conduct committee has cleared her, because as a campus executive, the conduct code doesn’t apply to her. #StopComplaining
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 20, 2019
The Ledger claims that most of our students don’t know what “Brexit” is. Is that supposed to be a bad thing? Is it some kind of breakfast sandwich or a drug that today’s youth is doing nowadays? #HelpUsOutHere
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 20, 2019
Do you know what trichinosis is? If not, stop on by the dining commons for our Baconpalooza! #YumYumBacon
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 20, 2019
Next weekend’s “Hudson Murderpalooza” marathon of ID Network shows featuring Hudson crimes is not officially sanctioned by campus. Please do NOT hack the TVs in the welcome center to show ID like someone did during the last marathon. #NotCool
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 20, 2019
Please be advised: We don’t know why that creepy band is playing funeral dirges in the quad and honestly do not really want to know. #AskThemYourselves
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 20, 2019
Happy Sunday! It looks like many of you embarrassed yourselves last night and didn’t believe us when we told you that there would be no campus hose down until Monday. WARNING: Hold your noses while walking through Fraternity Row today.
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 20, 2019
We’ve got a ton of hard to believe true stories that could be used for a TV show about a criminal college. Anyone know of a network that would let us pitch the idea to them? #SaveUsFromHudson
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 19, 2019
Open Enrollment is just weeks away. Set aside your misgivings and choose Hudson Medical Center as your primary care facility! What do you have to lose (other than your life)? #ChooseHudsonMed
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 19, 2019
Did you know that we have T-Shirts for sale? https://t.co/Zr0C8S6Bbc Show the world that you’re willing to associate yourself with “America’s Crime College.”
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 19, 2019
Contrary to this morning’s Daily Ledger article, Hudson is not the “college version of American Horror Story”. Maybe American Crime Story, but definitely not Horror Story. #SettingTheRecordStraight
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 19, 2019
Unfortunately, our weekend custodial crew was laid off yesterday, so the normal Saturday hose down will take place on Monday. Maybe you’ll vomit less on the weekends now that you know it won’t get cleaned up until Monday. #KeepHudsonClean
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 19, 2019
Happy Saturday! Based on how campus looks this morning, we’re guessing most of you are all hungover. #HudsonHangover
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 19, 2019
*whistling innocently while adding another picture to the DA McCoy blackmail file* https://t.co/v94nZJ9SSx
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 19, 2019
Okay, we’d better stop while we’re ahead. Have a great weekend, folks! Well, except for those who were fired. We’re guessing your weekend will suck. #SorryFolks
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 18, 2019
Our jobs might be safe, but if you’re looking to hire a snarky writer let us know ASAP! #HireUsAwayFromThisPlace
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 18, 2019
Due to the layoffs announced today, tonight’s dining commons menu will be peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and whatever you bring in. #HudsonRanOutOfFood
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 18, 2019
Okay, as it turns out we were not subject to the massive layoffs announced today. Is that good news or bad news? #WorkingAtHudsonHurts
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 18, 2019
While we’re being honest today, we must admit that we find NYPD Detective Robert Goren’s crazy stunts oddly amusing. #HudsonHonesty
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 18, 2019
Okay, they are scheduling a “special all staff meeting” for later today. We’re guessing the axe will fall soon. Did you know that the library basement has unusually high radiation levels? #WeMightBeFiredNow
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 18, 2019
Are you looking for a snarky writer who is used to getting low pay and daily verbal abuse from management? #HireMe
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 18, 2019
#DidYouKnow that Hudson administrators don’t actually read our tweets or social media? Based on what we’ve been able to post so far today, that’s probably not a surprise.
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 18, 2019
They try to deny it, but half of Retired NYPD Detective John Munch’s “crazy” Hudson conspiracy theories are most likely true. #HudsonFunFacts
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 18, 2019
#DidYouKnow that there’s a regular budget line item for lawsuit settlements? It’s much higher than they publicly announce. #WeMightBeFiredNow
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 18, 2019
#DidYouKnow that HudsOnline, the WiFi system currently used on campus was setup by a scammer? Their setup was so much better than ours, we just shut off the legitimate system to save money. Your personal data has been compromised, but wow, isn’t the internet fast?
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 18, 2019
Hey, are you a journalist looking for a scoop on what horrific experiments are going on in Tripley Lab? We might be able to sneak you in for an exclusive interview with that talking dolphin they’ve got down there. #CrimesAgainstHumanity
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 18, 2019
Happy Friday! We hear there might be layoffs today so we’re going down fighting! #DidYouKnow that our administrators might be corrupt? #HudsonDoesNotCare
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 18, 2019
After an exhaustive investigation into Billy Tripley’s misdeeds, Hudson University has concluded that the huge donations he makes to campus are more important than anything else he might have done, so we will continue to accept his money. #Yikes
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 17, 2019
That guy dressed as Willy Wonka in the quad is handing out subpoenas, not golden tickets. #BeCareful
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 17, 2019
That raving degenerate dressed in the filthy Hudson Hawk mascot costume is not the *real* Hudson Hawk. That nutcase was fired five minutes ago. #SettingTheRecordStraight
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 17, 2019
#DidYouKnow that appearing as a defendant on Jerry Springer’s new courthouse show can earn you credits towards your Hudson Law Degree? Double credits if you’re found not guilty! (We don’t anticipate handing out double credits to anyone.)
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 17, 2019
Forget all of the bad things you’ve heard about the discount store behemoth Cloud 9.0- they made a huge donation to our labor law institute so we think they’re great! Besides, getting paid for overtime is overrated, right? #HudsonSellsOut
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 17, 2019
We would like to apologize for our HudsonAlert system not working last night. FYI, a poison gas cloud appeared over Tripley Hall that might cause blindness, yadda yadda yadda, please don’t sue us. #HudsonApologizes
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 17, 2019
Happy Thursday! That crazy person shouting about us intercepting his “thought waves” is crazy! We’re not intercepting his thought waves....... anymore. #SettingTheRecordStraight
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 17, 2019
The digging going on at the Enron Rose Garden is not related to an active murder investigation. We think.
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 16, 2019
The character of Hannibal Lecter was not based on a Hudson Professor. Lecter was based on a composite of numerous Hudson professors. #HudsonMythBusting
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 16, 2019
#DidYouKnow that Hudson employees can purchase legal representation in advance through a payroll deduction? You’re probably going to need it eventually, so why not sign up now? #HudsonUCares
— Hudson University (@OfficialHudsonU) October 16, 2019